Life on the JCA

   Part Two...... Yes, we were moving to Scotland. I started looking for jobs..I had no real idea when or what or how this was going to pan out , but you have to start somewhere. We put our house on the market and started from there.  My mum lived in Edinburgh and since we were moving up there to keep an eye on her  Edinburgh  seemed like the obvious choice for setting up home.

    We visited Edinburgh and decided we couldnt live there. It was way too expensive for starters. Trev found a sister company in Dundee. However  ,  I wasnt keen on Dundee , where he could transfer to,  so  we settled on Perth .We jumped in our car and off we went.. and it was only 30 odd miles from Edinburgh. 

    I should just add that prior to looking at perth we both had Interviews in Edinburgh for jobs , Trev had to drive a bus around town for half a day only to be told they were only looking for trainee drivers. I had Interview in Western General , Oncology outpatients..They said that my Interview was one of the most enjoyable they had attended..I just needed to re apply . I was told to reapply , but decided it wasnt for me.

    When we visited perth we instantly fell in love with it. It kind of reminded us of when we lived in Andover , good memories.. We had made our mind up..Perth is where we would look for work and a house.

    Now, a move this size has its moments. Its not easy or stress free . Trev applied for a transfer and I looked for a job. We arranged a house viewing on the same day as my interview. Mad , that's all I'm saying.

    We travelled all through the night  ,8 hours to be precise. Arrived in perth on the morning of my interview,  popped into the tesco , washed ,changed and turned up on time for my interview at 10am. Came out of interview and went back to tesco , changed and went to view house..agreed we wanted the house and travelled home , to Dudley , in time for a sleep before my next shift at work..incidentally,  on the way home from perth I had a phone call , I had the job , it was mine. 

    Trevor had to travel to Dundee for his interview. The sister company was located there, it was a good 40 minute drive up the A9 all the way there. There are no more motorways after Perth..Anyway , Trev got a transfer to Dundee. Everything was moving fast and in the right direction.

    When we had our start dates for work we knew this was going to happen. thats when we really pulled out all the stops. We arranged for a van , storage , somewhere to live before moving into house , redirection of post ,change of address  , find new Drs , the list is endless.

   We sold our house pretty much straight away , but nothing seemed to be moving forwards , that's when i found out that our buyers buyer had vanished. Our house was put straight back on the market and out of courtesy we contacted perth estate agent to update them..mistake number one. Our seller put the house we were buying back on the market , i can see this now as the housing market wasnt good and they had their own investment to protect. We however had to find a new proprty.

    We sold our house after four days on the market , travelled all the way to perth to view another proprty and made an offer. We made an offer because , i had visited a medium and she said she saw a house unlike all the others , it was white and had a lean too , beside sheep and running water. Well...here was the house...white , neighbour had lean to , waterfall two streets away and surrounded by fields full of sheep lol.. besides , there werent that many for sale. It needed work and lots of it. Took tlc to a whole new level . But , we made an offer and they duly accepted.

    The problems arose here and there , stressful times selling , buying  transferring jobs ect.. Sarah had our cat pebbles while all this was going on,  she was old and had become unwell. We didnt want her to be stressed by a move. We wanted to get settled and comfortable so she could just relax in her old age.

    I couldnt believe i was leaving Dudley and my lovely job..I would miss everything and everyone so much , especially my daughter. Sarah and pebbles were my life , they were what mattered to me but my wee mum was in greater need and sarah understood this. Besides , sarah would inherit a Scottish second home.

    When the day of our move arrived we were so busy..loading our van about two weeks previous to our move and unloading it into storage had been a sensible desicion,  we crammed loads into our car and off we went , into the unknown ..x....

Life on the JCA...

If anyone had told me I would be out of work at the age of 57 I would have laughed at them,  straight in the face,  well that's exactly what has happened .

    I still cant believe it , I have worked in the NHS for eleven years . I worked my butt of trying to secure my first job in NHS , I did training course after training course , having no previous experience in care whatsoever  I set about attaining all the skills I would need for this.I had a goal and nothing was going to stop me.

    First I joined Dudley council as an employee , I was so proud of being a carer for the elderly , 50 nans and grandad all in the same building,  it was one of the best jobs Iv ever had , sad , lonely , vulnerable , the days were long , the days were hard , but the rewards were huge , smiling faces of gratitude and genuine thanks of heartfelt thanks..I used to go home knackered , mentally and physically..

   I loved my job though. I had no idea what a carer did.I suppose you could say I was ignorant really. The people I looked after lived in sheltered housing , one big building with lots of little flats inside , there were 5 of us staff in total , we did our own rotas , we started at 7am and worked until 7.30pm , not in the same day, some days I would work 7am till 1pm then back in at 5pm till 7pm..It all depended ..

  On a morning you would go into the clients on your rota , there were usually 2 staff on every morning . If there was any hoisting then you phoned the other carer to come help. You would go in to their flat and let them know by gently knocking their door and introducing yourself , you didnt want to alarm them..

    Your morning started by helping them out of bed , assisting them to wash , make breakfast , make bed , wash up fix their hair and while all this is going on you chatter away and start them on their day in a cheery way , sometimes they had medication and creams applied . Sometimes depending on a million different factors you would be visiting a few at the same time , depending on the level of care and the time allocated for that care for each individual. Sometimes we fetched the pensions and took them shopping and did housework and laundry. 

   Each resident had their own character , some cheery and some not so cheery, that didnt affect the care they received,  everyone was treated with respect , dignity and compassion. This could be your nan or grandad or mum or dad...

   All those little flats had bits of their character in them , furniture they cherished , photos of loved ones ect. It always made me feel a little bit sad as I was on my way home from work , you see , sometimes we were the only contact they ever had outside those flats.

   Anyway , one day a resident went into "respite" , I thought this must be a holiday for them . It was in some ways I suppose,  more like a rest for family . Well I looked into it and found a place nearby that had jobs going so thought I would take a look. 

    As I was going round the "care home" I noticed it was alot busier than my place of work , and there was a job going so I thought I would apply,  why not. I had an Interview and was very nervous , I didnt have alot of experience but in for a penny I thought.. Four  members of staff sat in a room with me, the manager  two seniors and a carer, my mouth was so dry , I stopped thinking and went blank...

    On leaving the interview I remember feeling deflated , I had no real experience .

Sitting on the bus going home my phone rang , the job was mine if I wanted it , fantastic , I was on the next rung of the ladder and I wouldnt waste it..

    The days were long and the work load was heavy. The staff did care though .someone else did the meds , you didnt have time for that..we organised chip suppers , bingo , entertainment ,stripped beds and made them sorted through washing,  hoisted , mobilised, escorted on trips out , served meals assisted feeding .The list is to long , endless ..

     I started training for small things here and there  , I did NVQ ,Demetia care , Nutrition and Hygiene and many more training courses..sign me up I told the manager . I would toddle of home , settle down and start learning.

    About Two years into my job I overheard someone mention funds and closure and that was enough for me. It was time for my next rung on the ladder. I was on my way home from work and as always as you get near russells hall,  I could see the Hospital , why couldnt I work in there I thought..

     I saw a job advertised ,had absolutely no idea what maxiofacial meant full stop , it was a job and I was going to apply for it..It wasnt until I was given an interview date and time that I became anxious, what was I doing. Trevor thought I had gone mad, he said I couldn't find my way round the Asda and we had been shopping there for almost 30 years,  how was I going to find my way around that massive hospital. 

    My Interview day came and as I walked into the main reception area I was scared, I went up to the large desk in reception and asked the lovely lady behind the desk " can you tell me what maxiofacial is please". Well , I thought , still couldnt imagine what I could possibly know about that.

    I went up to the first floor and waited for my turn to go in for my interview, I had made my mind up sitting there waiting , this job had to be mine.I couldnt go home and tell trev I was useless and scared and let myself down. My interview was perfect, the Two people interviewing me made me feel at ease and I found my confidence,  all I needed was a chance...

    My phone rang that night ...the job was mine if I wanted it..It took me a while to believe it , trevor was speechless .

   I was the proudest person you could ever possibly hope to meet. I worked at the Hospital I was a " Clinical Support Worker "

    The people I met , the things I have seen and done , me . Some days i would be sent to work in the Out patients Dept. Some days i worked on the ward. The perfect job had arrived . What fantastic people I worked with . My training continued,  i was still eager to learn more. 

    People used to say to me " What's a health carer" ..I used to say we were the people that did all the Gory without the Glory , i couldnt even begin to list the jobs we fill and roles we play..it is far more than most people imagine ,we dont need gratitude or acknowledgement , it's our role , we are employed to do so whatever is asked of us within our capability and training . But theres things we do that are not in the training like , were compassionate and caring and spend hours reassuring your loved ones they will be ok and settling their fears in their darkest moments . We are there at the end of life , showing love and kindness to otherwise strangers weve known such a short time . We are are the eyes and the ears of what's going on around us , always discreet and passionate about our role.

   After Seven fantastic years in this job I had a strange thing happen in my life..I knew this was about to change my direction and so made plans ...

    I spoke to trevor and we both decided , what we did next had to happen no matter what ..We sold our house and relocated in Scotland. 

     

god speed

 As you lay there in your bed , and watched us come and go , you must have sometimes wondered , why no one ever  let you know..

Sometimes we would stroke your brow ,  and sometimes we would wonder how , in all our days we would let you go , from that thing you weren't supposed to know...

We would laugh and joke , some even smoked , but deep inside we were hurt and broke , and it really didnt matter if we all felt choacked , as we sat round you and babbled and spoke about nothing important...

When your passing was upon us and we said our goodbyes , you lay there so silent not moving your eyes , we tried to be strong but to no avail , as we were all told to leave , we started to grieve,  that was the first nail...

Your funeral was hard you know , I watched our family come and go, all afraid of stepping on  toes as decisions were made about how it should go.I learnt more on that day about jelousy and hate and to this date I will never relate....

The weeks and months turned into years and since you left us  we're still in tears , our thoughts and fears have never faded ,  just our family ties and selfish ways are still left broken by the truths that will never be spoken...

One saving grace that unites us in peace is the love that we had for you was honest and true just remember dear sister no words are more true , we love you forever yes that much we do...♡

Corona virus ...

Who could ever have imagined life would be the way it is  now. Trev and I both think we have had the virus early in the year,  I myself was unwell for a while, never ending cold symptoms  fever,coughing and tired. Could hardly climb the stairs. Trevs still at work,  bus driver,  classed as essential. I worry about him,  out there,  all those people coughing and sneezing on the bus. 

      Trev was going to contact his GP today to find out if it is  safe for him to continue to work,  he is on imunosupresants,  for his crones. If there had been a test for people to check if they had already had the virus, we would have some level of immunity.  I have not been able to start working as yet. Not for the lack of trying. I can't move in any direction,  I'm in limbo. Definately sitting my maths level 2 at earliest opportunity. I have some evidence of level 2 already, but,  frustrated as I am  by it I must do it again in order for my sanity. 11 years working in NHS and now they change the entry rules. Not happy. Could not imagine living in a flat right now,  lucky to be able to go out back garden and sit in warm sunshine. Still people fucking around,  who created these dumb bastards. Coming and going as if nothing is wrong. 

Have to say that I'm annoyed by the amount of elderly people I see out and about , for no real reason  other than  boredom.  Who's got all the pasta  , that's what I want to know lol. Cant wait till I can start doing normal again. Stay safe ♥️

HCA life

Non stop moving around..lifting , bending , stretching , cleaning , writing, seen as a thicko without a brain ..no fight left.

Dementia and my mum....The final chapters

Well , its been a while since I have been on here , I have good reason ,my wee mum passed away.
  Where do I start. Mum was meant to be going home , which after her home visit just wasn't a good idea at all. The hospital planned for her to go home , but we  weren't having any of that.
After speaking to the senior OT we had a call from the hospital social work team , social worker reckoned that mum was a risk and needed long term care.
  I found mum a bed in a nice home in Perth, she was happy about the move, we'd talked about it in length  over a period of time and it was with excitement that we waited on moving. What we hadnt anticipated was the speed with which it all happened. I went to visit my mum on the Friday around the 4th I think and on the way there I had a call saying my mum was probably in the discharge lounge all packed waiting for her move to an intermediate bed until her bed in the care home became available.
  I was shocked to say the least. On arrival I asked if mum could stay until her bed was ready in the home as I had confirmation of this not one hour before arriving at hospital. Well , it took the ward Clarke in all her glory around 2 minutes to find out if mum  could stop there in the hospital, no was the answer.
  Our great NHS, moving a 90 years old woman , who was no trouble , asked for nothing, 3 fractures
Brought on from falls in their care ,  Couldn't let my mum stop there for 2 more days.
If they had ejected my mum out through a window it wouldn't have felt any worse. Although , I was pleased for her to leave the place. I packed her up and transported her myself .
  She settled in the intermediate care, they all seemed caring and helpful, mum seemed happy enough. She even came out her shell a wee bit . we put her t v in her room and got her a paper every day and left her cigarettes with the staff. mum would be coming to Perth on Thursday at 3 pm, I couldn't wait. S o excited I could hardly focus at work.   .. My phone went around 10am on the morning of the 10th May , mum had a funny turn. She was ok though , the Dr was called. Dr rang me around 11.30 , mum was chesty and her sats were low, she had no colour. 2.10 Dr called me , mum had just passed away. I could not believe it.

Dementia and my mum

Dementia and my mum...the coming weeks

Well then...at work and many phone calls from hospital in Edinburgh. My mum is having more physio and is having a stair assessment , she will be having a home visit also. I told the OT , my sister will be there for that .
  My mum will be excited and both apprehensive for this visit as she has been in hospital for nine weeks already. I do feel that she must think she is not getting out of that place. Sometimes I try and imagine how I might feel if I thought my daughter didn't want the burden of popping in on me occasionally , it fills me with sadness and almost depression .
  I have spoke to quite a lot of people who's family all become uncaring and don't want to participate in caring for a close relative, its more common than I had realised. I also sat thinking about how until about two years ago my relationship with my family was nearly non existent , nothings  changed there , hahaha, apart from the fact they now dislike me . But enough about me ....

Dementia and my mum "continuity of care"

Since my last post , my mum now with three fractures, is moving about allot better. She is still on a chair alarm and has a falls alarm in place also. I have been to see her on a regular basis and while I'm with her I do try and make my visits useful , ie , taking washing home, doing her hair and nails, helping to mobilise her safely and entertaining her with my endless chatter.
  Some days she looks tired and drained and other days she's all alert and happy to read her paper and just enjoy being in your company, although I'm not convinced that she even cares if you are there or not.
  I usually stay at my mums house if I'm stopping a few days, I am still clearing out lots of junk items, not as many as first anticipated , or may bee I just don't notice any more. Its been happening for almost two years now. The amount of clothes and books, just stuff in general , stuff you can't sell or give away, who's got time for that these days anyway. I don't think I have had an actual day off in about two years , if I'm not at work I'm at mums.
  It is still amusing to me how short the memory is. All the years going to my mums and suddenly I'm shifting through years of memories, not all bad and not all good. I have learnt one thing and it surprised me , how quickly people do forget , in the last two years alone mums gone through an incredible amount of stress and trauma. Does any one actually care or realise , you wouldn't think so.
  If there is one thing I won't miss at the end of all this and that's my older siblings. They have been the most uncaring,  selfish,  self absorbed individuals I have ever encountered. When did this actually happen , I have no idea. I'm sure this is all my fault...unbelievable
  My mum stared at me the other day while I was sat facing her. She just sat staring at me, I actually thought she didn't know who I was, I asked if she was ok and she continued staring , she looked as if she were about to communicate something to me , but no, she just stared . I asked her if she was ok and did she want to tell me something , but she said no . If I am accused of anything be it miserable , moody, bossy, loud intimidating, then yes , I will take all this and I will be grateful for having that type of character just when I needed it to do all the things iv had to do .Things I hope my family never have to do or even consider doing for a parent. I no longer need there approval or require it.
   I don't think I will be staying in Scotland after my mum passes away as there is nothing here for me, only lovely places to visit. It shouldn't matter to anyone anyway. I will simply vanish . My brother will acquire his property, my other siblings will acquire the freedom of having to care for a parent....But , they also are parents. I only hope their children are more loving and caring and considerate towards them in their old age or decreasing health . Dementia doesn't discriminate.....

Dementia and my mum......Lifes struggles

Things are moving very slowly . The physio has told me that if they can get my mums pain under control they can move her a bit more. Willy my brother has been going to visit her on a daily basis, thank goodness .It is not easy when you live far away. You can't just pop along .
   I think the hospital want to get mum home , but , there is no way this is happening if she's not able to be safe. My wee mum didn't live all these years just to be dumped on the scrap heap by a bunch of people who were "just doing their job". Imagine the kind of society where people are no longer cared for because they are to old . Have you ever imagined anything so distasteful. Its no better than leaving a small child to fend for itself . My mum is now sat in a chair , in a hospital ward , wondering if she will ever have her own space ever again. I find the whole thing quite depressing , all of lives struggles and pain and disappointments and achievements , what are they for.....

Dementia and my mum.....Hospital days turning into weeks..

It seems like a long time ago since I phoned the Drs for my mum , she's been on a rollercoaster of a journey , everything moves at a new pace. The physio are a  marvellous group  people ,encouraging my  mum at every step and urging her to be brave . They have to gauge her mobility in what they hear or are told , they do take her to the gym and walk around with her , but , at home people are different , more inclined to do what they want , take risks .
   I really do have my mums best interest at the heart of all this and sometimes I have to stop and think , it would all be so much easier if my  mum just went in a home, 24 hour round the clock care , problem solved .Then I think , well she's happy here in her home, she's familiar, there's all her things.
   Personally , from my viewpoint , looking at my mum , I can't see her being safe at home. I think she's enjoying the whole care aspect, she is prompted at every important moment and someone is looking out for her welfare all the time. She must feel relieved .,
  Imagine for just a moment not being able to remember yesterday,, nothing, but you don't know you've forgotten , because you're not aware that there is a problem, how do you fix what's not broken in your minds eye .We know all these things happen to our elderly dementia patients , but we still don't truly have a plan of action in place. There's no real plan to follow , were all just as confused about the dementia as the person is about the fuss made about them and their memory, not just any memory , but important stuff like time of day ,time to wash , time to eat , time to go to bed .
  Why can't our government start listening to the real professionals , the people on the front line of care. Start building dementia villages , specially adapted places to give a better quality of life to this group of our society , instead of blaming them for all the problems facing the NHS. What an absolute disgrace our government is. Our MPs and heads of government .
  We would rather cover up this lack of care and give it a new name like ,,persons choice or inviting the person to be involved in their journey. What a pile of useless shite...I think if we knocked on every household door in this Great Britain we would be horrified at the lack of care , funding , support and resources actually in place or needed to actually make a step forward. We might even discover millions of more people desperately standing behind these ordinary doors waiting on somebody actually discovering there plight.
  There is an army of people out in the community , not all of them carers , all struggling away , with no help or funding , trying to keep loved ones safe or cared for .unpaid, Myself , I work part time, I know of other in my work place just as an example , who get no real support from employers . Juggling rosters and shift patterns , tired and neglected themselves now , plodding away .,Imagine if one day that small army just stopped , ground to a halt.
   May bee its time to take a stand and force a change in the way people are supported and cared for. What do I know ....

Dementia and my mum....Stressful times

My mums dementia is progressing quickly. Still hasn't been formally diagnosed , but its obvious. That's the thing about the elderly , everything takes so long to change or materialise with regards to their care.
  My mum has been plodding along , I fetch the meals , I go on doing all the jobs like showering her , washings ,paying bills the lot. Don't get me wrong , my mum is coping well with the one call a day , but now needs more. She has had several falls and has even been out shopping on her own , us being unaware of this , mum can't even remember any of it.
   I went to mums recently and did all the usual things for her, even took her out for lunch , had a dab time. Later that day mum became quite unwell. She was so unwell I had to call the Drs The Dr suggested we take mum to A&E.  Once there it was obvious that we would be there a while ,,seven hours to be precise. Mum was admitted and was given a bed on the assessment unit ,mum has a bug , which one though.
  Mum was dehydrated and had a urine infection , she was vomiting and had diarrhea . Mum was moved after a few days, five to be precise, to a royal Victoria at the western general . I have to say what a super fab place for the elderly , calm ,clean and spacious .Mums been there a couple of days now and she has since fallen and fractured her pubic bone, she has a whacking huge bruise on the side of her eye and to top it all I only found out last night by pure accident that my mum has a highly contagious bug , called campylobacter. The hospital didn't feel the need to inform us of this.. How bizarre , In fact the nurse said the Dr was a bit over the top . Suggesting we wash our clothes anyway everyday . Never mind the fact I work with the elderly and have a husband with a bowel and gut disease himself. Anyway , enough of all that , mums still in hospital, awaiting physiotherapy.
  I have made it quite clear that if they send my mum home now she won't cope. Not a chance. Watch this space.......

Who actually cares anyway......Dementia and my mum

Oh my life...what a journey. As off the 14th August my mum's life is unrecignisable . My sister has since passed away and my lovely mum hasn't been able to shed a tear or actually discuss her death , life . Not even really able to show emotion, asking almost daily if Sheila is alive or did she die ..
    Mum can no longer leave the house alone as it is not safe for her to do so. She has to rely on the good will of the strangers she calls family , son's and daughters namely.   I spend alot of my time sorting out mum's things , from tidying  out the house to shopping  , paying bills  and the like . I know my mum has had a couple of falls and that she has been luck not to be harmed by this , but , it has just been that , luck.
   Iv had to discuss all manner of topic with my mum. In order to prevent some future catastrophe taking place. Namely mum's death and home situation when they arise . Mum's agreed this should all be done in advance. She has no specific wishes or intentions towards any part of her demise or future care. She doesn't have any special requests or orders to partake to anyone . She has no special flower or tune. I am sure though some one will make that their duty to the detriment of all others..

Failing system...dementia and my mum

Well then, my mum has had a letter from the NHS saying, there is a massive demand for the service she requires, therefore she will have to wait in the Que. I wonder if that's another Que as opposed to the Que for care.The one she's been waiting in for three months now ,   I'm loosing track of it all. Can't imagine how poor mums dealing with it all.
  I do have to laugh at it all , I mean. , 90 and waiting for care. What are they waiting on , may bee they are hoping my mum will be dead before she gets it , saving them money .I suppose that's the thing about the elderly . The one thing they actually haven't got is time.
  That's what I like about all these services, they are there , just not when you need them or there's no rush to get it for people. I have this awful thought that out there in the great casim of life there are thousands of old age pensioners shuffling around their houses and communities just getting by , staying alive by sheer luck really. Unwashed ,hungry , confused , cold , skint. Getting ripped off by strangers in the guise of shop keepers, catalogues ,family and cold callers either at the door or on the phone. And the poor buggers have to rely on family and strangers to keep their own independence .
  I just hope all you people out there who haven't visited home for a while because your busy living don't forget that poor old soul called mum or dad ,  before you start feeling sorry for some stranger in a crap post on face book ,  who turns out to be a scam Amen ...lol

Family matters...dementia and my mum

I should not go any further until I explain that I now have power of attorney, jointly with my big sister  , it made sense both of us doing this .we hope its in mums best interest, we have nothing to gain from it either . Our only objective is to give mum the freedom to say at home for as long as is possible.
  She is my big sister by a year , she is level headed and were both opposites , this is good for my mum , my sister lives in another part of the country . Between us we manage . Apart from the hearing problems and the heart problems and the Dementia my mums pretty happy, shes a pleasure to help and she never complains or moans , my mum is a polite kind and friendly person overall. When my sister comes to town we have some time out on the bus, usually this is spent visiting my eldest sister in the hospice.
  It would not be respectful at this time to go into detail about this matter ,so I will just move on for the time being.  My sister and I thought maybe it was time for a new Drs appointment , to have mum reassessed , apparently the Dr thinks my mum seemed ok,,,she must be then,  after all ten minutes at my parents home was enough time to decide this . Although on visiting my mum , she couldn't recall anyone visiting her,
  It is not my Intention to demean or belittle any services my mum has come into contact with . After all I myself work in the caring profession myself , I know how difficult it can be to get things moving , but I also recognise poor work and a lack of caring , be it manner or attitude .
 I almost get the sense that my mums only 90 , and they see older people maybe coping better or walking better , my mums never asked for anything in her entire life , shes not even asking for this , we are, is it so wrong of us to want to see our mum who only twelve weeks ago was Independent and coping just fine on her own , to want a little bit help for her when we maybe cant get the time off work or are sick ourselves ..
  Theres people out their getting far more help than we are that are probably just more aware of their entitlements than we are , maybe even less polite and understanding than us.

Realisation...dementia and my mum

Well then, its been some time since I was last on here , yes , there's been alot of changes , and tears. My mum has since had a small TIA, small it might have been , but the impact was a game changer. I spent weeks at mums , encouraging and building her confidence up. She at one point looked feeble and sad , I couldn't believe this was the same person .
  I started as I meant to go on. I meant business , no treating mum like a child , my mum had to regain her dignity ..What did surprise me was the fact that my family didn't actually care. I can say this now, I think I have earned that right . I can't even go into the minor details of this as there are so many of them , It would be justified to say that my brothers and sisters are utter selfish twats , who one day will need the love and support of there siblings. I hope it is forthcoming....
  After frustration and sheer bloody mindedness was overcome my mum and I started to agree on several things. She needed some help , when I left of course ,  we put this to action. We had Intermediate care at the house , mum needed some physio therapy , she also needed an alarm system in case she was in trouble at home, she needed help with at least 1cooked meal a day, not so much because she couldn't attempt this herself. , but because of her Dementia, mum forgets things.
   This all taught me a lot about my mum and the elderly in general, most importantly it taught me about the state of the health care system in this country . My mum had her TIA in August , she is still waiting on her one call a day and were into the 1st November , my mum now has a small heart problem which causes her to pass out without warning, but this makes no difference to my mums actual care what's so ever..I was told that Edinburgh is a large burgh and my mum will have to wait until .........................they have someone to come out, what......say that again....
  Moving on from that any way,, the physio come and walk her outside 3 times a week,, well,, its now 2 times a week , mum joined a group locally where excersize and memory are the topic of the day, she also gets her lunch there, and they pick her up.
  I'm not sure if I mentioned this but I don't live by mum, I live in a different town , Perthshire .My husband is very helpful and cares enough about me to want to help me sort this predicament with my mum. And , I have come to the decision that I don't want to live until a good old age, there absolutely sod all good about it. When I sit alone at home and think about all the old lonely people ,people who nobody gives an arse about It makes me angry and it makes me feel sick to my stomach ..........

" Family" ......Dementia and my Mum

 Now I am not wanting to upset anyone or berate anyone , but , we could all be doing a wee bit more. Then again maybe what is  being done already is enough. How far do we go with helping mum...She wants to keep her Independence , she likes going to shops and getting out , she enjoys being at home on her own , even if you visit mum she cant wait to see you go home , not because she wants rid of you , Its just that she gets tired all the time and likes to nap.
   Some family members think mum is a bit boring ......when one gets to 90 surely one is allowed to be boring .
   Some family members think mum is a crafty old bastard , someone who will take even if its not needed , she is seen as a burden..........I cant wait till they are old and Ill.
   Some family members don't even see my mum as old at all , it is like they are wearing blinkers, I suppose if they don't see it then they can escape their role in helping her..... I am reserving judgement there .
   Some family members have more to gain than others from my mums old age and decline in her health , and some members of my family are just not responsible enough to offer help ,some are Ill themselves ..........
   Whatever will be will be  a am sure , but , in the mean time things have to change , for the better . I for one am hoping that they all pull together and forget their differences . I think myself that they don't actually know that much about Dementia , or what they do know they are using as a measuring guide on my mum , one type fits all kind of attitude . I  think they might be confusing Dementia with stupidity .
   It is quite frustrating to see and listen to , this arrogance and ignorance . I always thought that when in time of need my mum would be looked after , my mum has spent years visiting her family and I just always assumed they would visit her ,,,how wrong was I
   With everything that's going on with regards to mum its kind of made me feel a bit useless and it has made me question several things in my life.  Why do we even care about other people and there opinions of us , none of it actually  means anything . Were just born , live the life we have and die , end off , if our families don't even care about us what the hell point is there in any of it.......

Dementia and My Mum....".some straight talking and moving forward"

My Mum sits looking at me , listening to me talking , not really listening , she has a look on her face that's telling me to shut up . Trouble is there are  things to be said and changes to be made , Its going to happen and it starts now.
   Starting with leaving the house, mum used to visit my brother on a regular basis , fair enough , my sister and her husband have been taking her and picking her up and bringing her home , but mum started getting in the habit  of saying no ,I am not going this week. My other sister lives round the corner near where she live and mum doesn't care to much about going out. Before you think I am being a bit pushy , at the moment mum doesn't see or speak to many people , she lives alone in a big empty house and she sleeps most of the day. That's great , no problem , but , if you want to stay at home and live there then you have to show people that your capable and if that means getting out and about then so be it.
My sister visits mum and phones her , making sure she is ok without  interfering to much.  I am sure we could all do more but where do you draw the line. At the moment everything that's done is done on mums terms , that may have to change. All of us have other commitments ,. I do a bit house work and shopping when I Am through , I like to sit with my mum and I really don't mind if she doses off now and then. I am helping her to shower and bathe , take her to the hairdressers , help with her bills and pension ,but I cant bring myself to force her hand on certain issues.
   Personally I would like her to move into a smaller house or sheltered housing , she is entitled to it ,she tells me she would like this then when I see her on another visit she has changed her mind. One huge problem I am finding is other peoples input ..just about everyone has an opinion and they are not holding back with it , but I have yet to see any action , mum needs this , mum needs that, well feel free to get , buy , build do it, otherwise hold that thought please. It would be fantastic If mum could stay in a four bedroom house that's eating all her pension in fuel bills and has two flights of stairs when she needs to pee , but why should she .who exactly is that benefiting . Just for the record , I have covered all topics with mum , we have discussed a wide range of issues ,its not my decision  to make carry on the way we are but for the moment we  may have to.
  The Power of Attorney will  soon be taking effect , this hopefully will give us more options .....

The weeks that followed........Dementia and My Mum

After one DR telling us mum has Dementia and another DR telling us she is simply old we considered power of attorney , for mums benefit , after all she wouldn't be getting any younger . After getting all the family to agree my sister and myself concluded it would be simpler if she and I took on this role. We think most of the family agree with us , theres always the one that doesn't, hay ho.

   We went to work , contacting solicitors , all the family were contacted as well , just to make sure they all were up to date with the situation really. I started going to mums and stopping over here and there a bit more , mostly to see what the situation was , how was she coping and what couldn't she do really. I helped her clear quite a bit of stuff out and gathered together a lot of her papers and any bills .
I noticed mum had loads of Avon , In fact mum had enough Avon to open a shop , she was just on a loop, the book was shoved the door so she ordered from it, the same with her shoes , the catalogue came through the door so she ordered more shoes. It seemed like mum was living in a vortex , purely out of habit , day in day out , same old , same old........
I found to my astonishment mum had shoes all over the house, new shoes in boxes , never worn . Jewellery Items  , five watches the same , five necklaces the same , hundreds of scarves . It felt like mum was being taken advantage off , not deliberately but , nobody was questioning her habits .Most of what I found was brand new and never used , in some cases not even opened . some of the Items dated back to 2008 , that's nine years of just lying there untouched . A lot of the  clothes I found were in a size fourteen , mums only a ten at the most .
  I managed to get some kind of order and went through things with her and finally she agreed , no more Avon  and no more shoes . It would have been the easiest thing in the world to do , just chuck out all mums things but I couldn't , shed spent her whole life collecting and paying for and burrowing things away , it seemed cruel and heartless just to throw it all away . Were all guilty of buying loads of crap we don't need. Mum deserves more respect than just anyone , I think its her right.........

DRs Conclusion ...........Dementia and My Mum

As the weeks and months went by Mum managed quite well , she was a bit forgetful , so what , she is nearly 90 after all . Mum went to the DRs  by herself , once there though she didn't know where she was , or why she was there . The DR phoned my sister Sheila to see if she could maybe come and collect Mum , which she did.
The GP told my sister that while my mum was there in the surgery he took the opportunity to examine my mum and he also said he had done a small mental test to identify what he suspected to be Dementia.. Early Onset Dementia he had called it . My mum thought the year was 2020 . If only it was.

   My sister was advised to book an appointment together with Mum and to discuss all sorts of outcomes with her , just to make sure mum knew what her visit with GP would entail. However , on booking the appointment my sister booked in with another DR. This new DR thought mum was fine , said she just thought Mum was getting older and it was to be expected. Knowing our mum better than any stranger though we decided to monitor her behaviour and then decide what should be done.
   Since I come from a large family you would expect my mum to have all manner of help and assistance , no, not the case . Nothing could be further from the truth..........