Well , its been a while since I have been on here , I have good reason ,my wee mum passed away.
Where do I start. Mum was meant to be going home , which after her home visit just wasn't a good idea at all. The hospital planned for her to go home , but we weren't having any of that.
After speaking to the senior OT we had a call from the hospital social work team , social worker reckoned that mum was a risk and needed long term care.
I found mum a bed in a nice home in Perth, she was happy about the move, we'd talked about it in length over a period of time and it was with excitement that we waited on moving. What we hadnt anticipated was the speed with which it all happened. I went to visit my mum on the Friday around the 4th I think and on the way there I had a call saying my mum was probably in the discharge lounge all packed waiting for her move to an intermediate bed until her bed in the care home became available.
I was shocked to say the least. On arrival I asked if mum could stay until her bed was ready in the home as I had confirmation of this not one hour before arriving at hospital. Well , it took the ward Clarke in all her glory around 2 minutes to find out if mum could stop there in the hospital, no was the answer.
Our great NHS, moving a 90 years old woman , who was no trouble , asked for nothing, 3 fractures
Brought on from falls in their care , Couldn't let my mum stop there for 2 more days.
If they had ejected my mum out through a window it wouldn't have felt any worse. Although , I was pleased for her to leave the place. I packed her up and transported her myself .
She settled in the intermediate care, they all seemed caring and helpful, mum seemed happy enough. She even came out her shell a wee bit . we put her t v in her room and got her a paper every day and left her cigarettes with the staff. mum would be coming to Perth on Thursday at 3 pm, I couldn't wait. S o excited I could hardly focus at work. .. My phone went around 10am on the morning of the 10th May , mum had a funny turn. She was ok though , the Dr was called. Dr rang me around 11.30 , mum was chesty and her sats were low, she had no colour. 2.10 Dr called me , mum had just passed away. I could not believe it.
Sunday, 3 June 2018
Sunday, 6 May 2018
Thursday, 5 April 2018
Dementia and my mum...the coming weeks
Well then...at work and many phone calls from hospital in Edinburgh. My mum is having more physio and is having a stair assessment , she will be having a home visit also. I told the OT , my sister will be there for that .
My mum will be excited and both apprehensive for this visit as she has been in hospital for nine weeks already. I do feel that she must think she is not getting out of that place. Sometimes I try and imagine how I might feel if I thought my daughter didn't want the burden of popping in on me occasionally , it fills me with sadness and almost depression .
I have spoke to quite a lot of people who's family all become uncaring and don't want to participate in caring for a close relative, its more common than I had realised. I also sat thinking about how until about two years ago my relationship with my family was nearly non existent , nothings changed there , hahaha, apart from the fact they now dislike me . But enough about me ....
My mum will be excited and both apprehensive for this visit as she has been in hospital for nine weeks already. I do feel that she must think she is not getting out of that place. Sometimes I try and imagine how I might feel if I thought my daughter didn't want the burden of popping in on me occasionally , it fills me with sadness and almost depression .
I have spoke to quite a lot of people who's family all become uncaring and don't want to participate in caring for a close relative, its more common than I had realised. I also sat thinking about how until about two years ago my relationship with my family was nearly non existent , nothings changed there , hahaha, apart from the fact they now dislike me . But enough about me ....
Wednesday, 4 April 2018
Dementia and my mum "continuity of care"
Since my last post , my mum now with three fractures, is moving about allot better. She is still on a chair alarm and has a falls alarm in place also. I have been to see her on a regular basis and while I'm with her I do try and make my visits useful , ie , taking washing home, doing her hair and nails, helping to mobilise her safely and entertaining her with my endless chatter.
Some days she looks tired and drained and other days she's all alert and happy to read her paper and just enjoy being in your company, although I'm not convinced that she even cares if you are there or not.
I usually stay at my mums house if I'm stopping a few days, I am still clearing out lots of junk items, not as many as first anticipated , or may bee I just don't notice any more. Its been happening for almost two years now. The amount of clothes and books, just stuff in general , stuff you can't sell or give away, who's got time for that these days anyway. I don't think I have had an actual day off in about two years , if I'm not at work I'm at mums.
It is still amusing to me how short the memory is. All the years going to my mums and suddenly I'm shifting through years of memories, not all bad and not all good. I have learnt one thing and it surprised me , how quickly people do forget , in the last two years alone mums gone through an incredible amount of stress and trauma. Does any one actually care or realise , you wouldn't think so.
If there is one thing I won't miss at the end of all this and that's my older siblings. They have been the most uncaring, selfish, self absorbed individuals I have ever encountered. When did this actually happen , I have no idea. I'm sure this is all my fault...unbelievable
My mum stared at me the other day while I was sat facing her. She just sat staring at me, I actually thought she didn't know who I was, I asked if she was ok and she continued staring , she looked as if she were about to communicate something to me , but no, she just stared . I asked her if she was ok and did she want to tell me something , but she said no . If I am accused of anything be it miserable , moody, bossy, loud intimidating, then yes , I will take all this and I will be grateful for having that type of character just when I needed it to do all the things iv had to do .Things I hope my family never have to do or even consider doing for a parent. I no longer need there approval or require it.
I don't think I will be staying in Scotland after my mum passes away as there is nothing here for me, only lovely places to visit. It shouldn't matter to anyone anyway. I will simply vanish . My brother will acquire his property, my other siblings will acquire the freedom of having to care for a parent....But , they also are parents. I only hope their children are more loving and caring and considerate towards them in their old age or decreasing health . Dementia doesn't discriminate.....
Some days she looks tired and drained and other days she's all alert and happy to read her paper and just enjoy being in your company, although I'm not convinced that she even cares if you are there or not.
I usually stay at my mums house if I'm stopping a few days, I am still clearing out lots of junk items, not as many as first anticipated , or may bee I just don't notice any more. Its been happening for almost two years now. The amount of clothes and books, just stuff in general , stuff you can't sell or give away, who's got time for that these days anyway. I don't think I have had an actual day off in about two years , if I'm not at work I'm at mums.
It is still amusing to me how short the memory is. All the years going to my mums and suddenly I'm shifting through years of memories, not all bad and not all good. I have learnt one thing and it surprised me , how quickly people do forget , in the last two years alone mums gone through an incredible amount of stress and trauma. Does any one actually care or realise , you wouldn't think so.
If there is one thing I won't miss at the end of all this and that's my older siblings. They have been the most uncaring, selfish, self absorbed individuals I have ever encountered. When did this actually happen , I have no idea. I'm sure this is all my fault...unbelievable
My mum stared at me the other day while I was sat facing her. She just sat staring at me, I actually thought she didn't know who I was, I asked if she was ok and she continued staring , she looked as if she were about to communicate something to me , but no, she just stared . I asked her if she was ok and did she want to tell me something , but she said no . If I am accused of anything be it miserable , moody, bossy, loud intimidating, then yes , I will take all this and I will be grateful for having that type of character just when I needed it to do all the things iv had to do .Things I hope my family never have to do or even consider doing for a parent. I no longer need there approval or require it.
I don't think I will be staying in Scotland after my mum passes away as there is nothing here for me, only lovely places to visit. It shouldn't matter to anyone anyway. I will simply vanish . My brother will acquire his property, my other siblings will acquire the freedom of having to care for a parent....But , they also are parents. I only hope their children are more loving and caring and considerate towards them in their old age or decreasing health . Dementia doesn't discriminate.....
Thursday, 8 February 2018
Dementia and my mum......Lifes struggles
Things are moving very slowly . The physio has told me that if they can get my mums pain under control they can move her a bit more. Willy my brother has been going to visit her on a daily basis, thank goodness .It is not easy when you live far away. You can't just pop along .
I think the hospital want to get mum home , but , there is no way this is happening if she's not able to be safe. My wee mum didn't live all these years just to be dumped on the scrap heap by a bunch of people who were "just doing their job". Imagine the kind of society where people are no longer cared for because they are to old . Have you ever imagined anything so distasteful. Its no better than leaving a small child to fend for itself . My mum is now sat in a chair , in a hospital ward , wondering if she will ever have her own space ever again. I find the whole thing quite depressing , all of lives struggles and pain and disappointments and achievements , what are they for.....
I think the hospital want to get mum home , but , there is no way this is happening if she's not able to be safe. My wee mum didn't live all these years just to be dumped on the scrap heap by a bunch of people who were "just doing their job". Imagine the kind of society where people are no longer cared for because they are to old . Have you ever imagined anything so distasteful. Its no better than leaving a small child to fend for itself . My mum is now sat in a chair , in a hospital ward , wondering if she will ever have her own space ever again. I find the whole thing quite depressing , all of lives struggles and pain and disappointments and achievements , what are they for.....
Monday, 5 February 2018
Dementia and my mum.....Hospital days turning into weeks..
It seems like a long time ago since I phoned the Drs for my mum , she's been on a rollercoaster of a journey , everything moves at a new pace. The physio are a marvellous group people ,encouraging my mum at every step and urging her to be brave . They have to gauge her mobility in what they hear or are told , they do take her to the gym and walk around with her , but , at home people are different , more inclined to do what they want , take risks .
I really do have my mums best interest at the heart of all this and sometimes I have to stop and think , it would all be so much easier if my mum just went in a home, 24 hour round the clock care , problem solved .Then I think , well she's happy here in her home, she's familiar, there's all her things.
Personally , from my viewpoint , looking at my mum , I can't see her being safe at home. I think she's enjoying the whole care aspect, she is prompted at every important moment and someone is looking out for her welfare all the time. She must feel relieved .,
Imagine for just a moment not being able to remember yesterday,, nothing, but you don't know you've forgotten , because you're not aware that there is a problem, how do you fix what's not broken in your minds eye .We know all these things happen to our elderly dementia patients , but we still don't truly have a plan of action in place. There's no real plan to follow , were all just as confused about the dementia as the person is about the fuss made about them and their memory, not just any memory , but important stuff like time of day ,time to wash , time to eat , time to go to bed .
Why can't our government start listening to the real professionals , the people on the front line of care. Start building dementia villages , specially adapted places to give a better quality of life to this group of our society , instead of blaming them for all the problems facing the NHS. What an absolute disgrace our government is. Our MPs and heads of government .
We would rather cover up this lack of care and give it a new name like ,,persons choice or inviting the person to be involved in their journey. What a pile of useless shite...I think if we knocked on every household door in this Great Britain we would be horrified at the lack of care , funding , support and resources actually in place or needed to actually make a step forward. We might even discover millions of more people desperately standing behind these ordinary doors waiting on somebody actually discovering there plight.
There is an army of people out in the community , not all of them carers , all struggling away , with no help or funding , trying to keep loved ones safe or cared for .unpaid, Myself , I work part time, I know of other in my work place just as an example , who get no real support from employers . Juggling rosters and shift patterns , tired and neglected themselves now , plodding away .,Imagine if one day that small army just stopped , ground to a halt.
May bee its time to take a stand and force a change in the way people are supported and cared for. What do I know ....
I really do have my mums best interest at the heart of all this and sometimes I have to stop and think , it would all be so much easier if my mum just went in a home, 24 hour round the clock care , problem solved .Then I think , well she's happy here in her home, she's familiar, there's all her things.
Personally , from my viewpoint , looking at my mum , I can't see her being safe at home. I think she's enjoying the whole care aspect, she is prompted at every important moment and someone is looking out for her welfare all the time. She must feel relieved .,
Imagine for just a moment not being able to remember yesterday,, nothing, but you don't know you've forgotten , because you're not aware that there is a problem, how do you fix what's not broken in your minds eye .We know all these things happen to our elderly dementia patients , but we still don't truly have a plan of action in place. There's no real plan to follow , were all just as confused about the dementia as the person is about the fuss made about them and their memory, not just any memory , but important stuff like time of day ,time to wash , time to eat , time to go to bed .
Why can't our government start listening to the real professionals , the people on the front line of care. Start building dementia villages , specially adapted places to give a better quality of life to this group of our society , instead of blaming them for all the problems facing the NHS. What an absolute disgrace our government is. Our MPs and heads of government .
We would rather cover up this lack of care and give it a new name like ,,persons choice or inviting the person to be involved in their journey. What a pile of useless shite...I think if we knocked on every household door in this Great Britain we would be horrified at the lack of care , funding , support and resources actually in place or needed to actually make a step forward. We might even discover millions of more people desperately standing behind these ordinary doors waiting on somebody actually discovering there plight.
There is an army of people out in the community , not all of them carers , all struggling away , with no help or funding , trying to keep loved ones safe or cared for .unpaid, Myself , I work part time, I know of other in my work place just as an example , who get no real support from employers . Juggling rosters and shift patterns , tired and neglected themselves now , plodding away .,Imagine if one day that small army just stopped , ground to a halt.
May bee its time to take a stand and force a change in the way people are supported and cared for. What do I know ....
Tuesday, 30 January 2018
Dementia and my mum....Stressful times
My mums dementia is progressing quickly. Still hasn't been formally diagnosed , but its obvious. That's the thing about the elderly , everything takes so long to change or materialise with regards to their care.
My mum has been plodding along , I fetch the meals , I go on doing all the jobs like showering her , washings ,paying bills the lot. Don't get me wrong , my mum is coping well with the one call a day , but now needs more. She has had several falls and has even been out shopping on her own , us being unaware of this , mum can't even remember any of it.
I went to mums recently and did all the usual things for her, even took her out for lunch , had a dab time. Later that day mum became quite unwell. She was so unwell I had to call the Drs The Dr suggested we take mum to A&E. Once there it was obvious that we would be there a while ,,seven hours to be precise. Mum was admitted and was given a bed on the assessment unit ,mum has a bug , which one though.
Mum was dehydrated and had a urine infection , she was vomiting and had diarrhea . Mum was moved after a few days, five to be precise, to a royal Victoria at the western general . I have to say what a super fab place for the elderly , calm ,clean and spacious .Mums been there a couple of days now and she has since fallen and fractured her pubic bone, she has a whacking huge bruise on the side of her eye and to top it all I only found out last night by pure accident that my mum has a highly contagious bug , called campylobacter. The hospital didn't feel the need to inform us of this.. How bizarre , In fact the nurse said the Dr was a bit over the top . Suggesting we wash our clothes anyway everyday . Never mind the fact I work with the elderly and have a husband with a bowel and gut disease himself. Anyway , enough of all that , mums still in hospital, awaiting physiotherapy.
I have made it quite clear that if they send my mum home now she won't cope. Not a chance. Watch this space.......
My mum has been plodding along , I fetch the meals , I go on doing all the jobs like showering her , washings ,paying bills the lot. Don't get me wrong , my mum is coping well with the one call a day , but now needs more. She has had several falls and has even been out shopping on her own , us being unaware of this , mum can't even remember any of it.
I went to mums recently and did all the usual things for her, even took her out for lunch , had a dab time. Later that day mum became quite unwell. She was so unwell I had to call the Drs The Dr suggested we take mum to A&E. Once there it was obvious that we would be there a while ,,seven hours to be precise. Mum was admitted and was given a bed on the assessment unit ,mum has a bug , which one though.
Mum was dehydrated and had a urine infection , she was vomiting and had diarrhea . Mum was moved after a few days, five to be precise, to a royal Victoria at the western general . I have to say what a super fab place for the elderly , calm ,clean and spacious .Mums been there a couple of days now and she has since fallen and fractured her pubic bone, she has a whacking huge bruise on the side of her eye and to top it all I only found out last night by pure accident that my mum has a highly contagious bug , called campylobacter. The hospital didn't feel the need to inform us of this.. How bizarre , In fact the nurse said the Dr was a bit over the top . Suggesting we wash our clothes anyway everyday . Never mind the fact I work with the elderly and have a husband with a bowel and gut disease himself. Anyway , enough of all that , mums still in hospital, awaiting physiotherapy.
I have made it quite clear that if they send my mum home now she won't cope. Not a chance. Watch this space.......
Saturday, 6 January 2018
Who actually cares anyway......Dementia and my mum
Oh my life...what a journey. As off the 14th August my mum's life is unrecignisable . My sister has since passed away and my lovely mum hasn't been able to shed a tear or actually discuss her death , life . Not even really able to show emotion, asking almost daily if Sheila is alive or did she die ..
Mum can no longer leave the house alone as it is not safe for her to do so. She has to rely on the good will of the strangers she calls family , son's and daughters namely. I spend alot of my time sorting out mum's things , from tidying out the house to shopping , paying bills and the like . I know my mum has had a couple of falls and that she has been luck not to be harmed by this , but , it has just been that , luck.
Iv had to discuss all manner of topic with my mum. In order to prevent some future catastrophe taking place. Namely mum's death and home situation when they arise . Mum's agreed this should all be done in advance. She has no specific wishes or intentions towards any part of her demise or future care. She doesn't have any special requests or orders to partake to anyone . She has no special flower or tune. I am sure though some one will make that their duty to the detriment of all others..
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