Failing system...dementia and my mum

Well then, my mum has had a letter from the NHS saying, there is a massive demand for the service she requires, therefore she will have to wait in the Que. I wonder if that's another Que as opposed to the Que for care.The one she's been waiting in for three months now ,   I'm loosing track of it all. Can't imagine how poor mums dealing with it all.
  I do have to laugh at it all , I mean. , 90 and waiting for care. What are they waiting on , may bee they are hoping my mum will be dead before she gets it , saving them money .I suppose that's the thing about the elderly . The one thing they actually haven't got is time.
  That's what I like about all these services, they are there , just not when you need them or there's no rush to get it for people. I have this awful thought that out there in the great casim of life there are thousands of old age pensioners shuffling around their houses and communities just getting by , staying alive by sheer luck really. Unwashed ,hungry , confused , cold , skint. Getting ripped off by strangers in the guise of shop keepers, catalogues ,family and cold callers either at the door or on the phone. And the poor buggers have to rely on family and strangers to keep their own independence .
  I just hope all you people out there who haven't visited home for a while because your busy living don't forget that poor old soul called mum or dad ,  before you start feeling sorry for some stranger in a crap post on face book ,  who turns out to be a scam Amen ...lol

Family matters...dementia and my mum

I should not go any further until I explain that I now have power of attorney, jointly with my big sister  , it made sense both of us doing this .we hope its in mums best interest, we have nothing to gain from it either . Our only objective is to give mum the freedom to say at home for as long as is possible.
  She is my big sister by a year , she is level headed and were both opposites , this is good for my mum , my sister lives in another part of the country . Between us we manage . Apart from the hearing problems and the heart problems and the Dementia my mums pretty happy, shes a pleasure to help and she never complains or moans , my mum is a polite kind and friendly person overall. When my sister comes to town we have some time out on the bus, usually this is spent visiting my eldest sister in the hospice.
  It would not be respectful at this time to go into detail about this matter ,so I will just move on for the time being.  My sister and I thought maybe it was time for a new Drs appointment , to have mum reassessed , apparently the Dr thinks my mum seemed ok,,,she must be then,  after all ten minutes at my parents home was enough time to decide this . Although on visiting my mum , she couldn't recall anyone visiting her,
  It is not my Intention to demean or belittle any services my mum has come into contact with . After all I myself work in the caring profession myself , I know how difficult it can be to get things moving , but I also recognise poor work and a lack of caring , be it manner or attitude .
 I almost get the sense that my mums only 90 , and they see older people maybe coping better or walking better , my mums never asked for anything in her entire life , shes not even asking for this , we are, is it so wrong of us to want to see our mum who only twelve weeks ago was Independent and coping just fine on her own , to want a little bit help for her when we maybe cant get the time off work or are sick ourselves ..
  Theres people out their getting far more help than we are that are probably just more aware of their entitlements than we are , maybe even less polite and understanding than us.

Realisation...dementia and my mum

Well then, its been some time since I was last on here , yes , there's been alot of changes , and tears. My mum has since had a small TIA, small it might have been , but the impact was a game changer. I spent weeks at mums , encouraging and building her confidence up. She at one point looked feeble and sad , I couldn't believe this was the same person .
  I started as I meant to go on. I meant business , no treating mum like a child , my mum had to regain her dignity ..What did surprise me was the fact that my family didn't actually care. I can say this now, I think I have earned that right . I can't even go into the minor details of this as there are so many of them , It would be justified to say that my brothers and sisters are utter selfish twats , who one day will need the love and support of there siblings. I hope it is forthcoming....
  After frustration and sheer bloody mindedness was overcome my mum and I started to agree on several things. She needed some help , when I left of course ,  we put this to action. We had Intermediate care at the house , mum needed some physio therapy , she also needed an alarm system in case she was in trouble at home, she needed help with at least 1cooked meal a day, not so much because she couldn't attempt this herself. , but because of her Dementia, mum forgets things.
   This all taught me a lot about my mum and the elderly in general, most importantly it taught me about the state of the health care system in this country . My mum had her TIA in August , she is still waiting on her one call a day and were into the 1st November , my mum now has a small heart problem which causes her to pass out without warning, but this makes no difference to my mums actual care what's so ever..I was told that Edinburgh is a large burgh and my mum will have to wait until .........................they have someone to come out, what......say that again....
  Moving on from that any way,, the physio come and walk her outside 3 times a week,, well,, its now 2 times a week , mum joined a group locally where excersize and memory are the topic of the day, she also gets her lunch there, and they pick her up.
  I'm not sure if I mentioned this but I don't live by mum, I live in a different town , Perthshire .My husband is very helpful and cares enough about me to want to help me sort this predicament with my mum. And , I have come to the decision that I don't want to live until a good old age, there absolutely sod all good about it. When I sit alone at home and think about all the old lonely people ,people who nobody gives an arse about It makes me angry and it makes me feel sick to my stomach ..........

" Family" ......Dementia and my Mum

 Now I am not wanting to upset anyone or berate anyone , but , we could all be doing a wee bit more. Then again maybe what is  being done already is enough. How far do we go with helping mum...She wants to keep her Independence , she likes going to shops and getting out , she enjoys being at home on her own , even if you visit mum she cant wait to see you go home , not because she wants rid of you , Its just that she gets tired all the time and likes to nap.
   Some family members think mum is a bit boring ......when one gets to 90 surely one is allowed to be boring .
   Some family members think mum is a crafty old bastard , someone who will take even if its not needed , she is seen as a burden..........I cant wait till they are old and Ill.
   Some family members don't even see my mum as old at all , it is like they are wearing blinkers, I suppose if they don't see it then they can escape their role in helping her..... I am reserving judgement there .
   Some family members have more to gain than others from my mums old age and decline in her health , and some members of my family are just not responsible enough to offer help ,some are Ill themselves ..........
   Whatever will be will be  a am sure , but , in the mean time things have to change , for the better . I for one am hoping that they all pull together and forget their differences . I think myself that they don't actually know that much about Dementia , or what they do know they are using as a measuring guide on my mum , one type fits all kind of attitude . I  think they might be confusing Dementia with stupidity .
   It is quite frustrating to see and listen to , this arrogance and ignorance . I always thought that when in time of need my mum would be looked after , my mum has spent years visiting her family and I just always assumed they would visit her ,,,how wrong was I
   With everything that's going on with regards to mum its kind of made me feel a bit useless and it has made me question several things in my life.  Why do we even care about other people and there opinions of us , none of it actually  means anything . Were just born , live the life we have and die , end off , if our families don't even care about us what the hell point is there in any of it.......

Dementia and My Mum....".some straight talking and moving forward"

My Mum sits looking at me , listening to me talking , not really listening , she has a look on her face that's telling me to shut up . Trouble is there are  things to be said and changes to be made , Its going to happen and it starts now.
   Starting with leaving the house, mum used to visit my brother on a regular basis , fair enough , my sister and her husband have been taking her and picking her up and bringing her home , but mum started getting in the habit  of saying no ,I am not going this week. My other sister lives round the corner near where she live and mum doesn't care to much about going out. Before you think I am being a bit pushy , at the moment mum doesn't see or speak to many people , she lives alone in a big empty house and she sleeps most of the day. That's great , no problem , but , if you want to stay at home and live there then you have to show people that your capable and if that means getting out and about then so be it.
My sister visits mum and phones her , making sure she is ok without  interfering to much.  I am sure we could all do more but where do you draw the line. At the moment everything that's done is done on mums terms , that may have to change. All of us have other commitments ,. I do a bit house work and shopping when I Am through , I like to sit with my mum and I really don't mind if she doses off now and then. I am helping her to shower and bathe , take her to the hairdressers , help with her bills and pension ,but I cant bring myself to force her hand on certain issues.
   Personally I would like her to move into a smaller house or sheltered housing , she is entitled to it ,she tells me she would like this then when I see her on another visit she has changed her mind. One huge problem I am finding is other peoples input ..just about everyone has an opinion and they are not holding back with it , but I have yet to see any action , mum needs this , mum needs that, well feel free to get , buy , build do it, otherwise hold that thought please. It would be fantastic If mum could stay in a four bedroom house that's eating all her pension in fuel bills and has two flights of stairs when she needs to pee , but why should she .who exactly is that benefiting . Just for the record , I have covered all topics with mum , we have discussed a wide range of issues ,its not my decision  to make carry on the way we are but for the moment we  may have to.
  The Power of Attorney will  soon be taking effect , this hopefully will give us more options .....

The weeks that followed........Dementia and My Mum

After one DR telling us mum has Dementia and another DR telling us she is simply old we considered power of attorney , for mums benefit , after all she wouldn't be getting any younger . After getting all the family to agree my sister and myself concluded it would be simpler if she and I took on this role. We think most of the family agree with us , theres always the one that doesn't, hay ho.

   We went to work , contacting solicitors , all the family were contacted as well , just to make sure they all were up to date with the situation really. I started going to mums and stopping over here and there a bit more , mostly to see what the situation was , how was she coping and what couldn't she do really. I helped her clear quite a bit of stuff out and gathered together a lot of her papers and any bills .
I noticed mum had loads of Avon , In fact mum had enough Avon to open a shop , she was just on a loop, the book was shoved the door so she ordered from it, the same with her shoes , the catalogue came through the door so she ordered more shoes. It seemed like mum was living in a vortex , purely out of habit , day in day out , same old , same old........
I found to my astonishment mum had shoes all over the house, new shoes in boxes , never worn . Jewellery Items  , five watches the same , five necklaces the same , hundreds of scarves . It felt like mum was being taken advantage off , not deliberately but , nobody was questioning her habits .Most of what I found was brand new and never used , in some cases not even opened . some of the Items dated back to 2008 , that's nine years of just lying there untouched . A lot of the  clothes I found were in a size fourteen , mums only a ten at the most .
  I managed to get some kind of order and went through things with her and finally she agreed , no more Avon  and no more shoes . It would have been the easiest thing in the world to do , just chuck out all mums things but I couldn't , shed spent her whole life collecting and paying for and burrowing things away , it seemed cruel and heartless just to throw it all away . Were all guilty of buying loads of crap we don't need. Mum deserves more respect than just anyone , I think its her right.........

DRs Conclusion ...........Dementia and My Mum

As the weeks and months went by Mum managed quite well , she was a bit forgetful , so what , she is nearly 90 after all . Mum went to the DRs  by herself , once there though she didn't know where she was , or why she was there . The DR phoned my sister Sheila to see if she could maybe come and collect Mum , which she did.
The GP told my sister that while my mum was there in the surgery he took the opportunity to examine my mum and he also said he had done a small mental test to identify what he suspected to be Dementia.. Early Onset Dementia he had called it . My mum thought the year was 2020 . If only it was.

   My sister was advised to book an appointment together with Mum and to discuss all sorts of outcomes with her , just to make sure mum knew what her visit with GP would entail. However , on booking the appointment my sister booked in with another DR. This new DR thought mum was fine , said she just thought Mum was getting older and it was to be expected. Knowing our mum better than any stranger though we decided to monitor her behaviour and then decide what should be done.
   Since I come from a large family you would expect my mum to have all manner of help and assistance , no, not the case . Nothing could be further from the truth..........